各位弟兄姊妹, 平安!
很高兴能在这里跟各位分享我的经历, 见证主的伟大!
从我记事起, 我妈妈就是一个虔诚的基督徒. 所以从小我就跟妈妈去教会, 听过许多圣经故事和神的话语. 在我妈妈孜孜不倦的祷告中, 在上帝的保守下, 我度过了一个有神同在的快乐童年.
小学快毕业时, 我经历过一次沉重打击: 学校校长在全校大会上不指名批评我信主是搞封建迷信. 那次会议令我记忆犹新. 从此我不敢在别人面前说我信主了. 上中学后, 我开始住校, 渐渐接受了教科书上的唯物主义世界观. 我不再去教会参加礼拜, 也不再祷告, 与耶稣渐行渐远. 但我妈妈一直在为我祷告, 一有机会就传福音给我. 可惜那时我太自以为是了, 我从一个相信神的人变成了一个抵挡神的人. 我总是拿教科书上的唯物论驳斥我妈. 有时还暗暗窃喜我能驳倒我妈妈,让她哑口无言. 几乎每次我妈妈试图给我们传福音, 最后都成了家庭成员的一场大辩论. 最终结果往往是谁也说服不了谁, 不欢而散. 来到这里后, 听了王老师和于老师的见证, 才知道这么多年我妈妈为我祷告, 我蒙受了上帝多么大的祝福, 却不自知, 还以为是自己应得的. 以为一切都是靠我的努力得来的.
工作以后, 工作和生活的压力我越来越不开心, 变得很浮躁(其实已经很久不快乐了,只是工作后更明显罢了). 其实整个中国都不怎么开心, 都很浮躁. 许多人戾气很重. 常会因为一点小事而导致杀人流血的事件. 还有很多人为了经济利益做了太多缺乏敬畏和没有底线的事情.
那时我开始认真思考, 唯物论的终极推论也许就是不择手段, 最终走向灭亡. 或许这个世界真的需要一个”神”, 因为只有”神”才能消除人身上的这些罪恶. 最近几年国内佛教非常兴盛, 很多地方新建了佛像(大部分是处于经济利益考虑), 同事也有不少人信仰佛教. 受此影响我独自去西藏感受佛教圣城的魅力. 我确实感受到了佛教文化的博大精深,但是, 那也只是一种文化, 是一种人为创造出来的东西, 那不是神! 我又回过头来重新研读圣经, 我想用科学和唯物主义来解释圣经, 希望能找到一个明确的答案, 可是我失败了. 我发现当我用批判的思想, 唯物主义的思想来读圣经的时候, 我读不下去, 也读不懂. 因为我缺乏敬畏和顺服神的心! 所以我一直没有找到解决问题的方法, 一直浑浑噩噩的过了这么多年.
今年初, 神安排我来到USM访学一年. 其实最初的目的只是能有一年时间不用上课, 可以好好做科研, 多发几篇文章, 好回去后评职称. 但直到上个月去杰克逊参加春令会的时候, 我的想法还是这样, 那是我那时最看重的事.
感谢神奇妙的安排, 让我来到这里, 他把我放到了一群基督徒的中间! 在这里我重新感受到了小时候才有过的那种久违的喜乐和平安. 我切身感受到了什么叫如鱼得水, 久旱逢甘霖. 感谢上帝, 也感谢牧师和身边众弟兄姊妹传福音给我, 解决了我的许多疑问, 让我明白了神的伟大和慈爱.
受洗前的一周, 我想了很多, 以前的生活像电影一样在我眼前经过. 我曾犯的罪, 曾经的迷茫和彷徨如同昨日再现. 我深切的感受到主对我的爱. 正如可斌姊妹给我们讲福音的时候所说的: 在我刚强, 喜乐的时候, 我看到我的身后有两双脚印, 我很高兴, 因为我知道那是神与我同在. 但是当我软弱, 迷茫的时候, 却发现身后只剩下一双脚印. 我痛苦的责问神: 神啊, 为什么在我最需要你的时候你却离弃了我呢? 神说: “傻孩子, 你身后那双脚印, 不是你的, 而是我的, 是我一直在背着你前行啊”! 是的, 现在我很清楚, 耶稣他从来都没有抛弃我, 是他一直背着我, 我才能走到今天, 感谢主耶稣!
Brothers and Sisters, peace! I am very glad to share my testimony with you to witness the Lord’s grace!
My mother is a devout Christian since my childhood, and I always went to church with her when I was young. So I had heard of many Bible stories and the Word of God. With my mom’s supplication and God’s blessing, I had a happy childhood.
After high school, I gradually accepted the teaching of materialism from the textbook. I didn’t worship the Lord nor pray any more. But my mother kept praying for me all the time, and she seized every opportunity to share the gospel to me. Unfortunately, I was too self-righteous, I always use materialism to refute my mother. Every time my mom tried to share with me God’s words , and finally it became a debate between the family members. This argument resulted in the fact that nobody could convince the other without joy.
After I found a job, I feel unhappy and empty in my heart. Also I find that there is impetuous mood widespread throughout China everywhere. A small disagreement may lead to bloodshed events. For the economic purpose many people have been doing a lot of things without the sense of fearing God.
At that time, I realized that the ultimate corollary of materialism may be unscrupulous, and eventually leads to death. Maybe the world really needs a “God” because only “God” can eliminate these evils. I came back to re-read the Bible, I try to use science and materialism to interpret the Bible, hoping to find a definitive answer, but I failed! I found that when I try to use the critical attitude to read the Bible, I cannot understand it,
I can’t understand for lacking of fearing and obedient heart to the God.
Earlier this year, God arranged me to visit the USM for one year. But until last month, before the Chinese Christian church retreat meeting in Jackson, My primary purpose is to writing more papers to earn my professor title after I come back to china. This is what I was most valued thing at that time.
Thanks for the wonderful arrangement of God, and he put me in the middle of a group of Christians! At here I felt the kind of joy and peace I ever felt only when I was a child. Thank God, and thank my brothers and sisters around me who have preached gospel to me, to let me know the greatness and love of God.
These days, I thought a lot about my life. My previous life is like a movie appears before me. I deeply felt God’s love for me. As sisters Kebin told me about the story of footprint: when I am strong and full of joys I saw two pairs of footprints behind me, I am very happy, because I know that God is with me! when I am weak and confused , I found only one pair of footprints on the sand land. I questioned God: Why does you forsaken me when I needed you most. God said: “silly boy, the footprints on the sand land are not yours but mine. It is me who is carrying you to go forward.” Yes! God never abandoned me! Without him, I can’t go forward to now. Praise the Lord!